Sunday, December 08-12, 2024 @ 17:28-20:56 MST
"I notice you."
Oh. Hey.
My first official music video has been released into the ether. By this I mean my video is available for your viewing delight on the YouTubulars.
A track I almost did not include on my first EP is lifted out of a hat in a contest I almost did not feel fit to enter.
Thanks to CreativElPaso, the El Paso Film Commission, and the 2024 El Paso 2 Day Movie Challenge, along with the incredible team of 20+ individuals with BMT Entertainment led by director/producer Angelica Torres, I was fortunate enough to have a music video developed, filmed, edited, and produced all within 48 hours.
! ! !
What...!?
Ya. For real.
Taking a step back even further, my talented musician friend Javier aka Tale of Giants is the person who first informed me of this project, as he was planning to register himself (search YouTube for the creative video the team at Night Trap produced with his song "Hold Me Tight"). Thanks, man. You are always a real one.
The 2-day film challenge meant that filmmaking teams had precisely a 48-hour window to: craft a vision; bring it to life; and then splice and dice and cut and color and paste and erase and toss as needed. A thing to take part in!
Oh, and. In order to qualify, each team required incorporation of the following elements in their videos: 1) a prop -- a "love letter"; 2) a person -- a "Chris" and/or "Karina"; 3) a concept -- the "healing power of art."
An added requirement: each filmmaking team would draw a "style" for their video: either narrative or conceptual.
The El Paso Film Commission solicited song donations from local musicians for a special "music video" edition, making this particular movie challenge unique. The tagline: "now is your chance!" to submit your song and have it made into a music video... "for FREE!"
Who could pass up this incredible opportunity? I almost did.
And then thankfully... I changed my mind.
The kickoff event was held Friday, November 22nd and I knew I had to register.
The Feast Day of Saint Cecilia, Patron Saint of Music. The same day I released my first EP, Strangers, two years prior. She always brings me musical blessings on this day.
This year first at work, with the meaningful termination of a wonderful client, and then at the film challenge.
I submitted my original song, "Black, White, & Grey" off my EP Strangers. It is an acoustic track that is literally... an iPhone recording. Recorded on September 05, 2021 in my El Paso apartment. In one take.
I insisted on having it professionally mastered and included on my first EP. I needed one stripped down track that sounded like just me. No gimmicks. No hoopla. No percussion, no backing instruments, no auto-tune, no additional harmonies, no ability to stop and correct my mistakes. Imperfectly perfect. Perfectly imperfect. True to life. Living. Breathing.
"We love your song." -- I recall hearing from Angelica in those initial moments after that unbelievable thrill of the draw. "Tell us about it."
I sometimes discuss the meaning behind my music at gigs. Not always. If I do, I *try* to keep my explanations as brief and oversimplified as possible.
Mostly because... once I have discovered the music, written the lyrics, played the damn thing over and over until I am unsure if I love it or hate it anymore because I am way too close, like viewing pixels or paint strokes, I can finally breathe and... release. This music is no longer mine.
The meaning derived from it is now determined solely by: YOU. The listener.
I have felt the things and laughed the laughs and cried the tears and screamed the screams. I sang into the void and played my instrument until my knuckles cracked and my fingers bled. I inhaled droplets of music notes and soaked them in like a sponge.
This music is now for you.
If I am still crying when I play a song live because I am thinking only about myself... For me, this means it is too raw. It is not ready yet. It needs more time in the oven.
Back in it goes. Sometimes... forever. But not always.
When I first wrote "Black, White, & Grey" in June of 2011, this thing was so raw and I was totally mortified. I shoved it back in the oven and placed it on broil. When I pulled that shit out, it had burned.
Nonetheless, it felt easier to deal with. I looked at this crisp mess and thought, "Yeah, I can work with that."
I used to play the song "upbeat." Poppy. Poppish? On capo 7, but still the key of D (props to you if you understand the music theory and know what chords I was now playing). And occasionally backed by beats from my 61-key, unweighted, electronic keyboard. You can find one version of this on my YouTube channel, played with a friend on Revere Beach. It was a fun thing.
What is this song about... really?
I carefully selected the title Strangers for my first EP, because all four tracks of this project are connected through strangers.
1) Strangers on Planes -- a song about meeting with strangers in strange places, sharing brief moments of deep connectedness, yet parting ways still as strangers though better for having shared a moment together. ✈️
2) Behind -- a song about close friends who sometimes feel like strangers, and examining questions like, "shouldn't they just know me by now; can't they read my mind?" and "maybe they have their own stuff going on and should I really expect anyone to read my mind?" and "is it really a good idea to have anyone inside my mind anyway?" and "how do I make myself known and honor myself without making anyone feel bad?" "does any of this even matter?" 🌊
3) Nobody's Nomad -- a song where I am the stranger, in my own life, to myself, and to others. What does it feel like being on the outside? Do we all experience this at times? 🌵
4) Black, White, & Grey -- a song about a stranger I watched from afar, a coworker, a person who thought very differently than I did. He is a "black and white" type thinker, you see. And I, a thinker in shades of grey. 🖤🤍🩶
I learned in my mental health counseling classes in graduate school the importance of ambivalence. Can we hold two seemingly opposed views -- or even MULTIPLE viewpoints -- to be simultaneously true?
I live in the grey. I live FOR the grey! And yet.
There is a need for black and white. Lines. Boundaries. Structure. Yes and no. No maybe. No ifs ands or buts. Multiple choice, one correct answer; no essay questions/responses. Cheese or pepperoni pizza? But... I want veggie-topping. No. Not today.
I witnessed this person from afar, and he spoke with me for moments. Only moments. And I could tell he was struggling with something. What, I knew not.
I imagined what it would be like if we were friends, if I could simply reach out and ask him what was wrong, what was troubling him. Except we were not. We were strangers who saw each other once or twice a week for a few moments in a dusty office.
"If I had your number, I would text you right now."
This was before smart phones were common, kids.
If my mind is perseverating on a thought or phrase or idea or worry, I try to write it down. I am fortunate in that I know how to use music as a coping skill and healing tool for myself. I have known for years, intuitively, without understanding precisely how or what I was doing. This eventually led me on the path to becoming a music therapist. I wanted to share this gift with others. To bring them the healing power of music for use in their own lives.
So I often write these lyrics that are questions I ask, events and experiences I am trying to make sense of, and love letters to various people and places and animals and moments in my life -- the things I wish I could say.
The word "words" often shows up in my lyrics. A former partner once challenged me to write a month's worth of songs without using "word" or "words." During this time period, one of the first songs I wrote was called: "Swords." I do love a good play on words.
Are you still with me? Why am I telling you this?
This post could have easily been: "I filmed a music video for my song, 'Black, White, & Grey'; see attached link."
But I do practically nothing in lines. I prefer my fries spicy and curly.
So back in June of 2011 when I worked in a dank and musty office at a Wal~Mart, I wrote a song about the idea of people, strangers with differences, and how when one of them is going through something difficult suddenly differences do not really seem to matter so much, do they?
If you walked past and saw an injured person who might be dying on the street, would you stop and ask them their political views before you helped them?
What I loved most about this entire process of filming a music video, aside from not knowing what to expect the entire time -- was that the message of "strangers" rang true throughout the entire process, filling my heart with so much joy.
There were so many moments when I secretly (or not so secretly) teared up because I was witnessing interactions between the various actors, or the writing team and myself, or actors and the production crew, or myself and the actors, or actors and random bystanders watching the filming process! The whole thing was wild to me.
This was Strangers in action. People were connecting and becoming friends. Or enhancing friendships previously formed. There was so much laughter and joking and storytelling on and off the set. It lifted my spirits so much to think that all these people were gathered here to be a part of a video for a silly song that I had written years ago, and initially been so embarrassed by.
I will never forget the moment when I was filmed playing my song during golden hour leaning against a tree in Madeline Park, and everyone just went... quiet. Watching, listening, and somehow I did not feel nervous. I felt ready. Despite everything happening so quickly and I normally feel like such a dork and I hate being on camera and as an introvert I become incredibly self conscious and yet. Everything felt right.
To all of you involved -- I hope you know how grateful I am for each and every one of you. For me, this music video for my song, "Black, White, & Grey" is a dream realized. You all play a role in this.
Angelica constantly reminds us all that this was a team effort, and she is correct. I am thankful for meeting and connecting with each and every one of you; please say hi any time! Tell me about your acting gigs or your latest projects, videos you are producing or filming, or even where you are traveling for vacation. We are connected now through something special and I will never take this for granted.
You can find the official music video for Black, White, & Grey along with lyrics and credits on my "jesskaps" official YouTube channel:
We are already at 150+ streams, so thank you for those of you who have already given it a watch! Thank you to those of you in the audience the night of the awards who voted us the 2024 El Paso 2 Day Movie Challenge audience favorite. Please like and share our video with your loved ones this holiday season and beyond. ✨
And if you feel so inclined, help me get up to 100 subscribers on my YouTube channel before this year ends! I am already at 87. 🥳
Thank you for all your kindness, compassion, love, and support, and for believing in the message of my song. 🖤🤍🩶
Please reach out and do something kind for a stranger... today and every day.
May your kindness spread like seeds blowing in the wind. You never know how far your reach from a thing seemingly so small.
"If you're my black and white, I'll be your grey."
~ Jess KAPS
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